My Twisted Love

I used to worship Marguerite. Then I heard what she did to the Marquis De St Cyr! Oh, how horrible. I have pledged my allegiance to the King , and then my wife goes and gets the Marquis's head chopped off! She told me that’s not really what happened and so I waited for an explanation, but it never came. My love grew dormant. And back then when I looked at her I just saw another person, by the name of my wife.
Then, one night Margot tried to get me to love her again. I held strong, only because of my pride, but she woke me up. After that, I kissed each place where her delicate feet had stepped on the stone steps. It was a horrible yet wonderful feeling. Then I got the urgent message to go save de Tourney and Armand, so I had to leave. I left a note for Margot but she caught me just before I could leave. It was hard to say good bye face to face but I had to. I never knew that she would follow me to the Chat Gris, much less to my hiding spot! She almost ruined my plans. But I, the Scarlett Pimpernel, always have a back up plan (Even though it involved being beaten)! When I saw that my poor Marguerites feet where horribly worn down, my love brought me strength and I carried her home. When we got home and got our well deserved rest, I devised a great banquet for our return and we have been happily in love ever since.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ngznYfEyEH8

The 21st Century

Hello, Today I am going to tell you why I would be happy and scared to live in the 21st century. I would be happy because as the protector of the rich, I know what a dumb robber is, and there are a ton in the 21st century. I like it here because if someone tries to break in my house, or rob me, or my bank, they always get caught by doing something dumb. Has anyone seen the TV show called Worlds Dumbest Robbers? Well that's not the exact name. I can't remember the exact name, but one time a robber threw a cash register at a window and it flew back and hit him in the head and knocked him out. Apparently the window was Plexiglas. Another funny one was a drunken guy tried to rob a bank on a moped.

I don't feel safe because there are some really good robbers out there, and there is more dangerous stuff than swords now these days. I am afraid that someone will come in my house and steal my money, and my wife. I started thinking about these things because my wife convinced me to watch law and order and there are all these creepy people. Do you know what is scarier? At the beginning, they always say based on true stories! You know how I am fearless and stuff? Well, I have to be fearless for my job, but to tell you the truth, I am always scared most of all when it comes to my wife's safety. God if someone stole my wife, I would be so scared, but then I would find that person and rip his head off. That is why I am scared of the 21st century, and laugh at the 21st Century.

Dear Sir Percy...

Dear Sir Percy,

I have been having problems with April Fool's Day. All of my friends are getting ready to pull huge pranks on each other, and I don’t have any pranks to pull. I was going to pull a prank and put a bucket of chocolate above one of my friend’s doors so when he opened it, he would be covered in chocolate. Then while I was walking through my own door, a bucket of guacamole fell and I got soaked. I need more ideas. Can you help?
Sincerely,

Guacamole

Dear Guacamole,

I am a great trickster. I tricked Chauvelin into sniffing pepper because he thought it was snuff. I can certainly help you. First you ask your friends out to dinner. Then you put a hole in a table and then a hole in a bowl. Fill the bowl with salad and hire someone to go under the table. When your friends arrive, tell them to help them selves to salad. When they are scooping the salads have the person under the table stick there hand out and scream. You will really scare them. Hope this helps.
Sincerely,

SP



Dear Sir Percy,

I need help finding out what to wear on Halloween. All of my friends are pirates, dinos and, scary monsters. I want to outdo everyone else. I have heard you are a great disguiser. Do you think you can help me? Hope you can.
Sincerely,

Costumeless

Dear Costumeless,

You have heard correctly. I am one of the best disguisers in the world! Pretty impressive, huh? So your friends’ costumes are so lame. My grandma could make a better disguise. My last disguise was me dressed up as a Jew. Chauvelin didn’t know who I was. I think you should be a witch. You can put green paint on your face, die your hair black, and wear a hat and black dress. Wear black lipstick and paint your nails black. Also, buy an old broom. They are so cool!! Hope this helps.

Sincerely,
SP

The Chat Gris

The Chat Gris

I have had many strange situations in my day as the Scarlet Pimpernel, and the Chat Gris was one of them. I walked up without many worries and didn’t know there was trouble inside. I went inside and to my surprise, there sat that devil Frenchie Chauvelin. I knew he had been on my trail since Lord Grenville’s Ball but didn’t know that he was that close on my trail. Of course after that whole episode, my poor Marguerite told me, and I forgave her, but it was a shocking at the time. I only wish I could have been prepared and could have ran or come up with a disguise other then being that Jew. I hope that I will never be in another situation as surprising as this one while I am still the Scarlet Pimpernel.

Anyway, when I got into the Chat Gris I had to come up with a quick way to get out and not let Chauvelin know exactly where I was. For a while there I made small talk and said how I was happy to see him even though he was the last person I ever wanted to see after what he had done to my lady. Then I heard some horses and what sounded like soldiers marching. Chauvelin was looking more and more excited as they got nearer. Oh how I wanted to wipe that grin of his face with a nice hearty punch. I was thinking and we were still having small talk until I remembered his like of snuff. I pulled a snuff box that had some pepper in it and told him that I bought it from a Jew in the Piccadilly. He fell for the trick after not having his addiction in a while and took a sniff. I could have heard that Frenchie sneeze from across the English Channel! I wanted to stay there and watch the man die but, I had to put a move on it. That was a pretty easy trick to pull off. I can and will always be able to beat Chauvelin.

The Jewish Disguise

Well today I am going to talk to you about how I tricked Chauvelin with my Jewish disguise. To be honest, I just bought some clothes from a Jewish cart owner and put them on and it wasn’t the best disguise I’ve ever had. But, to make it even better, Chauvelin didn’t know it was me. He asked me to take him to my hiding place! In my opinion, I thought that it was pretty sad that he could not catch me even when he was right next to me for thirty minutes! Do you know how many times I could have been captured in thirty minutes? A lot! I’m just surprised that Chauvelin thinks he is all that even though he is the worst spy ever! I bet that if a small toddler became a spy he would be better than Chauvelin! That is because Chauvelin always thinks that his plans are fool proof. However! They aren’t Scarlet Pimpernel proof!
I also find it quite fascinating that the only time I got captured was when I was in the Jewish disguise. But, that will be the only time I am captured by any French man. It will also be the only time I get beaten. I had to allow that, as it was part of the disguise. Anyway, they could only do it when I was tied up and gagged. But, it was all worth it when Marguerite came to me. This whole little incident probably saved our relationship. I think she enjoyed me carrying her in my arms. Without my great disguise, I would have never escaped Chauvelin… even though I would probably escape even if he did capture me! But, that doesn’t matter; all that matters to me is Marguerite!

Channel Surfing

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So I was surfing through the channels last night and I came to this awesome show called "Project Runway". It's rated PG-14... what ever that means. They were trying to design clothes out of items you find at hardware stores. There was this one guy who made trash bags into a beautiful dress, and this other girl who made a shirt and pants out of washers and twine. Sadly, not one of them made a cravat! They are needed to complete any outfit! But other than that they were great! Margot and I are definitely more fashionable! For creativity 10 points across the board.

The person who runs the show is the lady who is so intense! Her name is Heidi Klum. There is this other gentleman, Tim Gunn, who is so harsh and mean. He just goes up to people and says the clothes are ugly and horrible. He reminds me of Chauvelin! Other than him the show is great! I advise you to check it out if you're old enough!

Stay fashionable,

SP

My Gambling Problem

God, I can't believe I am doing this. My wife signed me up for a counselor because I have a gambling problem, which I don’t! Well I might have gambling problem, but it’s just because I am so good. No one can see through my poker face. You want to know where I learned to gamble? Well it all started when I was young. My dad had his friends over, and I got so bored that I started watching them, and my dad asked I wanted to join. So I did, and I won the first 10 games. Then they quit because I kept winning, and that is how I started my gambling problem. I love gambling because I can get so much money so easily. I don't need the money, but it is just fun because all of the free money. The money isn't all that matters. I like the feeling of winning.

If you are like me and you have a problem, it is so hard to break it. But for some people it's really easy to break. When you are with your counselor, you talk about why you gamble. I don't need to go to my counselor because I can just tell this to my wife. I think she signed me up for the Counselor because I lost a bet for 50 bucks and that made her really angry. I don't get why people complain so much about how to break a smoking problem because it is much harder to break a gambling problem. If you go to a counselor for smoking, or gambling or something always tell them what they want to hear.

Dear Sir Percy...

Dear Sir Percy,

It is very hard to be a rock star, especially when people comment on you weight and stuff like that. I try to stay thin, but it is just so hard. I even have to tell myself that French fries are poison. What should I do with my problem?

Sincerely,

Fergie



Dear Fergie,

I think you should just keep French fries away. It’s just like those Frenchies in real life. They are the worst. In your house, keep lots of fruits and no cake or fries. Also, stay away from McDonald's. It’s disgusting.

Sincerely,

SP



Dear Sir Percy,

There are these shoes called Crocs. They are rubber sandals and are really comfy. The problem is I don’t know if they are fashionable. What do you think?

Sincerely,

Crocs

Dear Crocs,

I actually love Crocs. They are really cool, and I think they are stylish. I also think you should wear them if you like them. You shouldn’t care what others think. Be a trend setter.

Sincerely,

SP


Dear Sir Percy,

I am a judge on American Idol. I am very good, but am very hard to please. The problem is that I wear the same thing everyday. I wear a white shirt and jeans. The problem is that I think that I need to be better dressed. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Simon



Dear Simon,

I think you should grow out of your turtle shell. You should wear something like waffle shirts. They are very stylish. You could also apply to be on the show What Not to Wear. They will help you tremendously. Good luck!!

Sincerely,

SP

English Society Through my Eyes

I am definitely a man for fashion but not one for the Opera. I am already a tired man and don't need any loud canary bellowing away. It also makes a pretty big dent in my wallet. Though my lady loves it so it's all worth it. Marguerite and I haven't been been to the opera a lot except for our trip that was right before Lord Grenville's Ball. That was a very awkward time because that devil Frenchie Chauvelin. I wanted to ring that man's neck after what he did to my beloved Marguerite.
Lord Grenville's Ball was something to look forward to after the opera. The Prince of Wales and I love spending time together because we are a lot alike. Everyone seems to love my jokes and my presence. Lord Grenville also has some of the most comfortable couches around that feel like your floating on a cloud.After staying in that dreadful ballroom all night, it was delightful to lay down. I got a little scared when Chauvelin came into the supper room at 1:00 am exactly which was a lot like my note I wrote. When that happened, I knew he was a Frenchie and that he was on my trail. I will not let him reveal my identity.




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My Gang and I

Lately I have been planning a very interesting job. It was to save Armand,the Comte, and some other aristocrats. It is going to be very hard to do so with my wife giving away my identity. But, that was only a minor set back; the real problem is how to get the aristocrats over to England without being caught. If only that cursed french man, Chauvelin, didn't know who I really was! If anyone wants to know my motive, it's to save the aristocrats of France so their family's won't have to watch them die a horrible death. The only thing that makes that possible is my gang. The challenge of having a gang is that I, the leader, have to keep everybody safe. I guess the French would call me an "Evil mastermind!" or something like that.
To be honest, I was very surprised to see Chauvelin in the Chat Gris. I only had a moment to decide to play cool and take him down calmly. I would have loved to stay and laugh in that evil man's face, but I had to leave the scene before one of his agents came after me. I wanted a good lead before that silly french man tried to catch me! He should know better. The only way he can catch me is to get a army which my gang and I could take down as easily as I took down Chauvelin! I am the Scarlet Pimpernel!

Dear Sir Percy...

Dear Sir Percy,

I have a girlfriend who I really love. She is smart, pretty and kind. I don’t know if she loves me back. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Confused

Dear Confused,

My wife, Marguerite Blakeney, is also smart, pretty, and kind. But when I married her, she didn’t love me. After a while, I gave up on showing my love, and that’s when she started loving me. I would say pretend you love some other girl, and then she will get jealous and start loving you! Its’ like you always want what you can’t have. She will want you if she doesn’t have you!

Good Luck,

SP

Dear Sir Percy,

I’ve bee having hair problems. Do you think I should use powder or wigs? My wife thinks I should use wigs, but they are so uncomfortable.

Sincerely,

Hair Problems

Dear Hair Problems,

Let me tell you about the pros and cons. The pro with a wig is that they hide you greasy hair. One con in summer is that it is very hot. The pro of powder is that your head won’t get hot. The con is you have nasty greasy hair. I would say wig in winter and powder in summer.

Good Luck,

SP

Welcome to My Awesome Blog

Hello and welcome to my blog. I am Sir Percy, also known as the richest man in Europe. My ansestors and I serve our lives to the royal family. I am good friends with Sir Andrew, Lord Tony, and the Prince of Wales. I am married to Marguerite Blakeney. She is the smartest and most beautiful woman in Europe. I love her immensley but my pride keeps me from telling her.
Most think that I am a nincompoop. But that is just a mask. They have only scratched the surface of my true identity. I think my wife might be on to me... just maybe. Oh! Have you heard of that Scarlett Pimpernel guy? Well, I quite like him! I have even made a poem about him. It goes-

"They seek him here,
They seek him there,
Those Frenchies seek him everywhere,
Is he in heaven,
Or is he in hell,
That demmed elusive Pimpernell!"

Sincerely,
SP

Rich people now these days

Hello my name is Sir Percy, and I am going to be talking to you about a very, very rich man. I am going to tell you about Bill Gates. Bill Gates is the second richest man in the world. I like laughing at rich people now these days because unlike them, I am married to the cleverest girl in Europe. Every time I talk to Bill Gates, he always makes fun of me because of my accent, and my vocabulary... Meany :( I don't see why he hates me. I mean just because I shoot spitballs at him doesn't mean I hate him.
I think he is ashamed of me because when I invite him to my parties, he never comes. And when I come over, I am always listening to my IPod just to annoy him. Listening to my IPod annoys him because he made the Zune. I always say, "Hey can you help me set up my IPod. Oh wait. I have an IPod like the rest of the world.” I am not allowed in his house anymore. His guards know my face but I know how to get in and out of the house under the radar because I am the amazing Scarlet Pimpernel.

My Opinion of the French Revolution

I think the French Revolution is wrong! I mean first of all, it's a horrible idea. What kind of idiots abolish a Monarchy? Tell me that? Only a frenchy would betray their king. Why, the Blakeneys never betrayed their king. Never! Why look where abolishing their monarchy got them. They kill innocent people every day. It's disgusting!
If they stayed with their monarchy, they maybe could be like England with a wonderful king as a ruler. But, they have not. They had to be rebellious like little children. If only the french had the loyalty to the king like my family. We followed the king to the end. It goes to show that no frenchy can top loyalty to the king than the Blakeneys. It's funny that they can't catch the Scarlet Pimpernel. If they had a monarchy, they could catch him easily. But if they had a monarchy he wouldn't be necessary. !Viva la King!